Dreams of Youth

We all have dreams when we are young, 'I want to be a soldier, I want to be a Policeman, I want to be a Doctor,I want to be an astronaut'. We have all heard the cries of the youth around us dreams of what they want to be in years to come. Mine? mine was to be a fireman, for as far back as i can remember i wanted to be a fireman. had child uniform, loads of fire engines, attended fire open days almost religiously. all with hope and dreams in my eyes. sadly an incident of my youth stopped my dreams, firemen do not wear glasses and so my dream died and inside so did I.Some times i wonder how things would have turned out if the need for glasses not been caused.

Dreams are things that lay before us, goals to try to attain. I wonder how many of us 'live the dream' how many of us actually are able to go on and live the dreams of our youth. Going from day to day in the satisfaction that we are doing what we always wanted too. I fear that there is too few of us who can say that they have manged to do this. I myself as aforementioned failed, and in some ways feel less for not doing my dream. It took me many years to overcome the sense of failure i felt and started to try again instead of having the constant , 'whats the point ill fail anyway' attitude that followed me all the way through school, my low grades a testament to this, to again trying through college and ever since. been Top of my classes at college proves my point.

But we don't only have dreams while in our childhood, as we grow up we come up with new dreams and ambitions, but these are more goal orientated. 'I want to go to the grand canyon' is one dream for me a long term goal to work and save for, but if i don't make it, i wont feel the great sense of failure i had with my childhood dreams of been a fireman.

People who know me very well know i have one true dream and lots of small aims. Most of the aims are holiday trips to places in the world to visit things that interest me and always have. My dream? For that you will have to get to know me lol. but suffice to say it is a goal, a dream, an ambition that i have had since my youth and has grown to become a ambition that i work towards slowly but, if this dream never happens i will not let it effect me as my dreams of childhood did, instead i Will still strive for it.

our dreams can give us meaning and goals in life, some are small some are huge some are simply to survive another day and find food. where we are in the world molds our dreams, a rich family has only dreams of where they wish to be or go, a poor family a dream is where is the next meal coming from, all are still valid dreams,and all mean as much to the person who dreams them.

Follow your dreams is an expression from my Gran, i followed mine and continue to do so.

I say to you

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS,

you might be surprised where it takes you

Stories: tales and adventures. Things we think about every day, well I do. These are things which can rule my life, the book I’m reading, the next adventure I am going to run for my friends. But why do we enjoy them so much, is it escapism from the reality of the world?? Yet when we look at some tales they are horrific in their content. More real than the realist nightmare anyone can suffer. Yet we still read them.
But why do we??? I have written countless adventures of horror, danger love and desire. Designed too enthrall those who come to play the game that night. I have told tales that have even worried me and I’m the one making the story up as I go. yet still we listen, read and want more. We go back to the bookshelf looking for our next fix of fantasy and adventure. We look for ways that we can be different and not alone. Some of us enjoy books of romance and happy journeys through life where everything is rosy and nice, others enjoy the gritty horror of real life tales that when we read them we almost cry in sympathy for what the author has gone through in their life. But still the question is why??
For myself I can answer. Escapism! That is the reason why I read so much and so variedly. I admit my love of science fiction and fantasy rule over all others. But I also have read the more modern books of adventure. Stories of daring do, saving the world and getting the girl and been home for tea the next day with only a leg in plaster. My mind as I read is totally absorbed into the book the pages vanish and instead I am there. It is me and not the hero or heroine of the story fighting the pirates beyond the rings of Saturn. It is I not the heroic warrior wielding sword and shield alone to hold back the horde in a futile fight that he cannot survive to give his friends those few moments to escape…in my mind’s eye I am these and more. My heart racing, as the car ‘I drive’ race around the mountain, been chased by gun totting hoodlums. And as I turn the last page I find myself at home or work a simple book of paper in my hands, a real world of work money problems and relationships all about me. Yet for several hours I was not here. I was elsewhere living a life not my own.

That is how I feel about books and the stories within. Have a think yourselves why do you read? For the joy of the story or to escape a world that brings worries and stress. We all read for many reasons. Some more obvious to others then most.

I sat today to write a blog while in silence of my home.. and my mind went blank. Daft thing really, set myself up to write, computer on, tea beside me mind all set to write and pop, all blank..

Yet sitting here with blankness it brings to mind walks upon the moors. silence blessed silence all around rolling hills in every direction and yet not having to think beyond. i'm going that way and don't trip over.

You can let your mind wander through itself revisiting memories and thoughts you had days or even years before. On many occasions i have walked across the fells and let my thoughts travel back to the week before. some times the thoughts that resurface are good thoughts.. a great roleplay i did or a film i had seen.. some are darker.. memories of my childhood my fathers drinking... and yet i think we all yearn for times like this. Were we can re-aquaint our selves with past deeds and thoughts of loved ones we have or had.. of places we have seen and due to happenstance cannot visit again but in our minds we can visit them as many times as we wish.

I am sat here with my minding floating and my fingers flying.. (bad spelling here i come) and my mind wanders back to conversations with friends over the last year of plans made and plans yet to happen. Of roleplays that i have wanted to do over the last few years and now.. i find i am in postion to do all that i have planned.

Someone once said to me life is what happens while you sit waiting. so i am going to take their advice and get on with life. plans i have made am going to push forward and do. places i want to go, I am going to go see. this is a year that i stop only when the word is NO, not because i have not tried.

So here i reach the end of this blog that has gone from what do i say to making choices of the year ahead, plans that i want to complete. sometimes things can be said for having a blank moment, so my heartfelt aplogises go out to all those blonds out there that we ridicule with their blonde moment, as i have sat here had a blonde moment and yet find my mind a lot clearer.

A world away

A world away i say and people think of other countries, other continents. But when i say it i mean Worlds away, worlds that i wish to live on. Many of my friends know of my hobby, my passion. I am of course speaking of Role Playing. A passion i have had for over 26 years and hope never to loose.

Wonder why i wish to be there in worlds i have created fought and died so many times?? To me it is an escape a way to my freedom from thoughts, pain and troubles i have to face day in day out. Here in these worlds i can be who i choose, a warrior who knows no equal, a wizard wise beyond any book. But most of all i can be ME.

Some used to say why your email addy what it is... why have i created this blog with a name not my own. A name from worlds that do not exist except in my mind and in the minds of others who i have introduced it to. A world that is very real to them, for their characters live, breath and die there.

I use the name i have because it is who i trully really am. Elor or Elorman for full is the name of someone who i keep hidden inside, my conifdant, my hero, my friend. But most of all he is ME.

People who have played in my role plays and who have met him know of the man i speak. a man of confidence, of morals and ethics that will not change, yet also a man who would make the world tremble if a friend is hurt. In my life i try to live as he, a staunch ally to friends a fearsome foe to his enermies, yet always i feel there is more i could do. to help to be more like him. a fictitious person in a world that do's not exist. Yet a man who i wish to be with all my heart.

Things i would do if i was him lol hm where would i start... first and foremost i would have the hand of the woman i love and none would stand in my way. Second friends that i have would gain what they dreamed and more... all fantasy, but what a fantasy. I would love to live it.. well some of it is .. maybe..

Know me and learn
know me nad find the real me
know me and learn the warrior within
know me and learn the poet
know me and learn the love i can give

by my hand
Elor

Here I Stand

Here I stand upon this field
Here I stand alone
here I stand upon this field of battle
surrounded by my dead

Alone I stand
alone I fought
Alone I stood
My enemy alone I faced

Here I stand to this day
Here I stand alone
My foe's I fought
My foe's I defeated

For I stand alone
Upon this field life
But not alone I stand
For about me stand my friend's
Comrade's in arm's, warrior's all
Upon this field of life WE stand